Beyond anything

I was walking down old memory lanes earlier.

I didn't get too teary-eyed anymore. It does not follow that I have forgotten the friendships we had.

Mayhap it's only because I have matured. Mayhap because I found a new place to belong to.

Suddenly, high school seems so far away, suddenly remembering my old follies felt like remembering a younger, distant relation--quite detached from my new person.

And it frightens me. Maybe that's why I maintain that connection--ever-fragile, as if it would break with a wrong move...

I grasp at that connection, for the path I have chosen is a long and winding one, certainly not easy to trod on.

I have matured...but I am not prepared for it.

So I call back and try, even for a moment, to retreat back to the bliss of ignorance, of innocence, of youth.


I try to return to a state of immaturity, individuality, a state when all I had to worry was how I hated some people around me, how I hated the world and its hypocrisies...it was a state when although I saw reality, I did not fully understand what I was seeing.

I know it's not right. I know it's not good. But I find myself sick and tired of seeing amorality everywhere.

Give me these moments to forget the ugliness of reality.

Give me these times...to practice utter irrationality.

Allow me to return to the safety of my high school days, in the company of individuals who indulged--most of whom still ultimately indulge and exist--in pure, unadulterated worlds. People who still found joy in being shallow.

Escapists who refuse to face responsibilities and realities.

After this...there will be no going back, no regrets, no could have beens.

I will go back to my advocacy. I do not forget my vocation. Nor will I ever will. For how can one, after seeing reality, turn his back on it?

I will, ultimately, return to reality.

Just allow me to dream about the old days. Of my lost youth.